came here for school, graduated to the high life

ball players, rap stars, addicted to the limelight

mdma got you feeling like a champion

the city never sleeps better slip you a ambien.

-jay-z, "empire state of mind"

excited for thanksgiving.

Guests will have a choice of one option from each of the five sections of this lavish menu designed by Chef Bruce:

Course One

Select Oyster and Prosecco Stew

Slivered Lemon Toast

Spinach and Crabmeat Topped Baked Shrimp

Sweet Corn and Chardonnay Cream

Red Kuri Squash, Maitake Mushroom and Shallot Risotto

Toasted Pepita Nuts and Pumpkin Oil

Course Two

Wood Grilled Atlantic Halibut

Saffron Shrimp Broth

Duet of Scallop Cannelloni and Seared Diver Scallop

Cider Butter and Macomber Turnips

Goat Cheese and Roasted Tomato Topped Organic Pork Tenderloin with Turnip Greens

Course Three

Kale and Caramelized Onion Stuffed Organic Turkey Breast

Pecan Raisin Dressing

Prosciutto Wrapped Venison Loin

Beluga Lentil Ragout, Swiss Chard and Black Current Sauce

Wood Grilled Filet Mignon with Soft Whipped Potatoes, Horseradish Onion Cream Meritage Syrup

Cheese and Salads

Cucumber Wrapped Orange Laced Baby Greens with Candied Pecans and Zest

American Eppoise, Cashel Blue Cheeses with Cracked Pepper Plum Compote

Selection of Artisan Cheeses with Grilled Baguettes

Brown Turkish Figs in Syrup

Sweets

White Fruit Tasting Plate of Banana and Caramel Cheese Tart, Roasted Bartlett Pear Crisp,

Warm Apple Cider Crêpe

Autumn Red Fruit Tasting Plate of Cranberry Upside Down Cake, Warm Plum Pie,

Red Current Crème Brûlée

Chocolate Tasting Plate of White Chocolate Fondant Strudel, Milk Chocolate Brioche Pudding,

Dark Chocolate Panna Cotta

"oh u think ur soooo cool cuz u live in ny...with ur corny rap lyrics and hipster shoes. dork."

-my biggest fan

new york, big city of dreams

to get by cats doin' plenty of things

it's a honest hustle

but you gotta have some kinda muscle

either it's that or get signed by russell.

-masta ace, "big city"

top chef.

"hey, this is a personal choice."

-kevin, top chef contestant, discussing his weight


some other things to discuss about top chef:

michael voltaggio, you may be good looking, but you come off as a pompous douche.

robin, get the fuck off the show.

unless you are allergic to rain, there is absolutely no reason to have an umbrella that takes up the entire sidewalk.

religion.

"Also also, while we're on the recession/hipsters topic: having ProTools and large headphones does not make you a musician. Writing poetry in your house about your ex-girlfriend does not make you a poet. If your novel is unpublished, you are not a novelist. If, however, you wait tables in a cafe, you are definitively a waiter."

-gawker

"I get the sense that most of the core questions dwell on the way media perception constructs a fake reality that ends up becoming more meaningful than whatever actually happened."

-chuck klosterman on the larger themes of eating the dinosaur

"Chuck Klosterman has chronicled rock music, film, and sports for almost fifteen years. He's covered extreme metal, extreme nostalgia, disposable art, disposable heroes, life on the road, life through the television, urban uncertainty and small-town weirdness. Through a variety of mediums and with a multitude of motives, he's written about everything he can think of (and a lot that he's forgotten). The world keeps accelerating, but the pop ideas keep coming.

In Eating the Dinosaur, Klosterman is more entertaining and incisive than ever. Whether he's dissecting the boredom of voyeurism, the reason why music fans inevitably hate their favorite band's latest album, or why we love watching can't-miss superstars fail spectacularly, Klosterman remains obsessed with the relationship between expectation, reality, and living history. It's amateur anthropology for the present tense, and sometimes it's incredibly funny."

-synopsis of eating the dinosaur

very excited to:

a) hear chuck klosterman speak tomorrow
b) buy chuck klosterman's new book
c) get said book signed by chuck klosterman

troy: you're saying i could be a lawyer.
jeff: i'm saying you're a football player. it's in your blood.
troy: that's racist.
jeff: your soul.
troy: that's racist.
jeff: your eyes?
troy: that's gay?
jeff: that's homophobic.
troy: that's black.
jeff: that's racist.
troy: damn.

-community

why i am a realist.

"A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity;
an optimist sees opportunity in every difficulty."

-winston churchill

"A realist sees the need for another drink!"


-greeting card from my mother

"The only thing I've really...taken from this sad story, besides the fact that reality television is bad for people - literally, people, children: from the Gosselins to the Heenes - is that the harder you try to set the truth adrift, the more obfuscation you bury it under, and the more piles of bullshit you throw on top of it, the more gravity is stripped from it, so that, like that goddamn balloon, it rises up, up, up and out of plain view, for everyone to see, completely out of reach of the person from which it had to come from."

-gawker

where the wild things are.

i'm not sure what more can be said about where the wild things are that hasn't already, but i'll take a go.

the movie's visuals were hauntingly, startlingly beautiful. landscapes stretched into the distance, seemingly never-ending. the ocean, desert, and forest were textured and massive and real.

the wild things themselves were detailed and textured and emotive. this was the muppets for adults.

karen o.'s soundtrack added to the eeriness of the movie. where the wild things are wasn't scary, it was deep and dark and haunting and dug at your soul.

the acting was superb. max records (playing max) didn't seem to act. he was simply a kid whose eyes we got to see the world through. and james gandolfini, as the voice of wild thing carol, expressed all the same emotions as max through a 10 foot monster.

several reviews i've read have had problems with a lacking plot. well, i didn't. had the movie strayed too far from the book, we would all be watching a shitty kid's movie with bad acting. as spike jonze has said, he didn't want to make a movie for children; he wanted to make a movie about childhood.

and that brings me to spike jonze. the man gets it. i don't know how he remembers the feelings of being a child so well, but he manages to get us to a place that we were all once at, whether we remember it or not. no matter where or how you grew up, we were all children once - powerless, small, uncontrolled, and uncontrollable. and that is what where the wild things are gets to the root of so beautifully.

there's a map for that.

this is certainly a better rebuttal to apple than microsoft's "i'm a pc" ads were.

the only problem is, we all still want the iphone.

do you always want what you think you want?

"Quit this life as soon as possible. Get out. You're doing a documentary about a brain-dead person."

-maurice sendak

i love sarah silverman too much not to post this.

i needed a haircut badly yesterday, and found a place online near my apartment. the website of the salon looked decent and the yelp reviews fine. 

i ended up at a old-lady russian salon. i am pretty sure i was the only person under the age of 55 to enter, ever. the only other customer in the salon was a lady (and yes, i am using the word "lady" with all its connotations) in curlers.

i almost ran out the door before they could sit me in the shampoo chair, but i really needed a haircut. as my mother says, i was starting to look homeless.

thinking this experience couldn't get much more hilarious (and because i'm not particularly picky about my haircuts), i settled into the shampoo chair for a scalp massage that was actually rather pleasant. i closed my eyes and listened to the relaxing music, the soft-rock love song, "lady in red."

the song ended. then began again.

i got up from my shampoo and began to get my hair cut.

the song ended. then began again.

split ends got chopped off.

the song ended. then began again.

here i was, sitting in an old-lady russian hair salon, listening to "lady in red" on loop.

i've gotten several compliments on my hair today, so i guess it looks nice. but if i ever hear "lady in red" again, i will rip off my ears.

scary.

click for a larger image.

"The Office sustained a will-they-or-won't-they plotline for nearly four seasons, brought the couple together, got them married, and made us cheer for them, all without losing any momentum. And it all culminated in a sweet episode featuring vomiting and ripped scrotums. That works."

-NYmag.com

i just received the following email from zappos:

"Dear Jennifer,

Good news!

Although you originally ordered Standard (4 to 5 business days) shipping and handling, we have give your order special priority processing in our warehouse and are upgrading the shipping and delivery time frame for your order. Your order will ship out today and be given a special priority shipping status so that you can receive your order even faster than we originally promised!

Please note that this is being done at no additional cost to you. It is simply our way of saying thank you for being our customer."

and this, my friends, is absolutely PERFECT customer service.

irving penn (june 16, 1917 - october 7, 2009)

gilbert gottfried was just a bit too nutsy for me when i saw him perform live (and that's saying something), but his new york magazine interview is perfect.

Name: Gilbert Gottfried

Age: "15"

Neighborhood: Lower East Side

Occupation: "Steam Roller"

Who's your favorite New York, living or dead, real or fictional?

Hamlet. Few people know it. He is a New Yorker and he works in a pizza store in Tribeca.

What's the best meal you've eaten in New York?

Anything that someone else has paid for.

In one sentence, what do you actually do all day in your job?

Wonder if people will discover that I have no talent whatsoever.

Would you still live here on a $35,000 salary?

In Manhattan, that's what homeless people make.

What's the last thing you saw on Broadway?

A homeless man peeing on himself.

Do you give money to panhandlers?

No, I say, "Wait right there. I'll be right back."

What's your drink?

Cyanide.

How often do you prepare your own meals?

That depends on whether you consider toaster waffles a meal.

What's your favorite medication?

I'm old-fashioned, so I still do heroin.

What's hanging about your sofa?

I don't know, but it's starting to smell.

How much is too much to spend on a haircut?

Anything above $2 including tip and you're getting ripped off.

What's bedtime?

Why are you rushing me? I don't even know you.

Which do you prefer, the old Times Square or the new Times Square?

The old Times Square. I used to get great exercise when junkies were chasing me down the street.

What do you think of Donald Trump?

A little too shy and insecure.

What do you hate most about living in New York?

Having New York magazine come after me with stupid questions.

Who is your mortal enemy?

Lex Luthor.

When's the last time you drove a car?

The judge says I can't talk about that right now.

How has the Wall Street crash affected you?

I already told you, the judge said I can't talk about that.

Times, Post, or Daily News?

Whichever one they're handing out free on the street that day.

Where do you go to be alone?

My bed.

What makes someone a New Yorker?

A criminal record.

What is your idea of perfect happiness?

A verdant landscape filled with beautiful animals of all kinds, harp music, cumulus clouds in a bright-blue sky, and happy people conversing pleasantly, sipping cold sake from homemade bamboo cups.

-martha stewart

"The list of universities that make one eligible for membership in the Ivy Plus Society reads like an index of the country's most prestigious academic institutions: Harvard, Princeton, Yale, Columbia, Dartmouth, Washington University in St. Louis.

Washington U? Really? Yes, that's where the 'Plus' comes in (but only if you attended medical school there)."

-NY Times

fuck you to: the ivy plus society and katherine bindley of the new york times.

and nobody calls it Washington U, retards.

saw more than a game this weekend. while the contents of this documentary were interesting, it was very poorly constructed. the timeline was unclear. characters were not well introduced. the beginning, middle and end were intertwined.

the movie could also have gone more in-depth into various relationships. weren't lebron james's four best friends jealous of his immense success? how did they all interact with the few white kids on their high school basketball team? and just how nuts is gloria james, lebron's mother?

this article perfectly encapsulates my childhood memories of mcdonalds.

last night played ping pong with judah friedlander (frank from 30 rock).

i feel cool now.

say what you want about david letterman's personal choices, but this was an absolutely phenomenal PR move.

seinfeld reunion on curb means i can die happy.

Larry [David] is known for irritating people. What bothers you about him?
Jerry Seinfeld: Watching him order in a restaurant. A little too much thought goes into it. Speed it up, get it out. Just get the fish! You know you're going to get the fish!

What current annoyance of yours would you turn into a Seinfeld episode?
JS: Oh my goodness. It's an open fire hydrant of annoyance. Right now I've really had it with the Corona ads. Lying on the beach, throwing the cell phones in the water, and the idiot girl lying next to him, bubbling up with skin cancer. I'm tired of it. You know, the fantasy that the beach is this great destination that we all want to get to with a beer. It's like, fifteen minutes ... "What am I doing here? Let's get out of here." It's time for a new ad for the Corona people. It's time for a new idea. But they won't. They're going to stick with that beach thing forever.

What about living in New York annoys you these days?
JS: People not being happy with my phone because it's not as cool as their phone, or they have some feature that I don't have and they're always showing me, "Oh, my phone can do this" and "my phone can do that."

Your friends are not happy with your phone?
JS: I just have a Razr, an old Motorola Razr. I don't have a BlackBerry or an iPhone. My friends are very cranky about it: "What are you still using that for?" I see you've got a pad and a pen, by the way. How lame is that? [Laughs] With a spiral at the top!